I sat in the audience of an “Explaining the letters of John” talk in the church I was attending in Paranaque City, Metro Manila, feeling a little condemned by the thoughts that the enemy was pouring into my mind when the Pastor said 1 John 5:13, John said: “I write these things to you who believe in the Name of the Son of God so that you may know that You have eternal life.” Then the Holy Spirit spoke to me a whisper and said, “That verse is for you.” Then it hit me. The verse had to be spoken to me to remind me that I had eternal life in Christ when I accepted Him into my life and believed in His Name.
I had been battling schizophrenia since 2006, I had my first mental and emotional breakdown when I was 26 years old. I went through countless hallucinations, false realities, delusions and disillusionments. I was attacked endlessly in my mind, in my semi-conscious state, on my bed. I had bouts with sleeplessness and restlessness and seduced and coerced by lust, desperately I battled them. I was laughed at by the voices in my head and even by real people countless times – jeered at and condemned.
I was desperate at that moment to hear from God because my heart longed to be with him. I had endured stares and stigma all throughout the years and have sensed being laughed at for believing that I could still be saved by a gracious and loving God. The devil had poured condemning thoughts in my mind that God hated me and didn’t want me inside a church anymore but then again He spoke to me and He still speaks.
[NIV] Matthew 12:20 A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he has brought justice through to victory. 21 In his name the nations will put their hope.
[AMP] Matthew 12:20 A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering (dimly burning) wick He will not quench, till He brings [a]justice and a just cause to victory. 21 And in and on His name will the Gentiles (the [b]peoples outside of Israel) set their hopes.
Because the Spirit of Christ does not condemn those that put their hopes in Him, know well the difference between His Spirit’s voice and the voice of the devil. A bruised reed He will not break, a smoldering wick He will not snuff out. If you feel that you’re at your wits’ end, God will not cut your hopes out but instead be hope to you Himself – because no one whose hope is in Him will ever be put to shame – especially for salvation and freedom from enslavement of sin and oppression.
This song, I had find helps still me when I had bouts with condemnation: